Single Woman Needs a Good Home

The ad would read something like this:

Single Woman Needs a Good Home
Special needs: expensive dental work
Needs affection and attention
Long walks in the park

I was at the dentist yesterday and by the end of my visit I wanted to beg any man to take care of me.

I wanted an easy way out.

No more sweating and quickly calculating my checking account to cover the costs.

Sometimes its too damn hard and expensive to be a single gal.

I feel that I now am starting to understand why women have to become "Gold Diggers". They have bills to pay, car repairs, health care, and any other crisis that might blow their way.

I nearly hissed at my dentist as he explained the costs for a cleaning, exam, xrays, and to replace an old filling. Without dental insurance: A cool four hundred dollars.

Sure! I said, as I dug through my pocket and produced a ball of lint. Then I asked if it was possible to buy a do-it-yourself dental book at Barnes and Noble to save on costs.

He smiled and a shallow laugh escaped from his throat.

I tried to calm my quickly beating heart by repeating to myself, "At least I will have my teeth when I am 75".

But it didn't suffice. My panic resumed.

So when short on cash the best way to fight fire is with fire.

I went shopping!

The five dollar shirt made my eyes look extra blue.

A five dollar shirt to forget about a four hundred dollar dental bill.

When all else fails.

Rationalize.

Graditude

Typing at the computer, the snow frantically starts to blow outside the window. It was the perfect time to stay warm inside and finish my list of "to do's". I intensely stared at the important e-mail I was constructing. The wording had to be just write so it wasn't taken as too harsh or too soft....it had to be just right.

As I concentrated my nephew bust into the room and went to jump on the bed, missing it by two inches and slamming his forehead into the corner of the rocking chair. Howls and screams soon followed. I jumped out of my seat and let out a sigh of relief as I discovered lack of any blood. Just a nice solid bruise. Ouch.

Then I sat down again and started to find where I left off, when my other nephew stood by the window laughing. I looked at what he was holding in his tiny hand and slowly realized he was holding the garage remote. My father was screaming outside in the blizzard for someone to snatch it from my nephew. I had to laugh because every time my father approached the garage door to shelter heavy potted plants inside, my nephew would quickly push the close button.

It only took my father fifteen minutes or so to figure it out and then the jig was up. But my nephew sure enjoyed the torment.

Finding that I could not work with all the distractions, I stopped working. Why was I trying to work? My family was in town and it was a rare chance to spend time with my nephews. How quickly they are growing and changing. Soon they will no longer be interested in spending time with "Auntie Em" and the rest of the family as they reach the age of preteen angst.

I may not have a family of my own one day and so I realize this may be my closest chance to experiencing children.

I look at my siblings' families, and I admit that I am envious. They may scoff at my envy as my sister once again cleans poop off the rug, because her son doesn't seem to enjoy using a toilet.

The rug is more convenient.

They seem happy, secure, and they have each other. One does not realize what a rarity it is to have a "normal" loving family.

I'm grateful for my friends and family.

Relationships and memories are the only things we take with us when we die. It's the most important thing. Be kind to the poeple that care about you. Remember this holiday season to be in the moment and enjoy any precious time with family and friends.

Tomorrow it may all be gone and changed, but we have now. Embrace it.

All You Can Eat Sushi

“Anyone who accepts a date with a gynecologist gets what they are asking for.” My sister teased just before I took off for my date.

So far I was interested. He was well dressed, offered to pick me up, took me to a nice restaurant -he was an intelligent doctor.

We went to sit down for sushi and he started to argue with the hostess about our table. At first I thought it could be charming, that he wanted the best seat for our date, but after relentlessly grilling the hostess and then loudly complaining to the surrounding tables, I started to feel like it was already time to go.

We ordered a few rolls and started to talk about our schooling. He filled me in on his education and the different clients he sees everyday. Telling me that the worst thing about being a doctor- is hair and bad...well...and I will spare you the details. All while I was ironically eating my “sushi”.

He asked about my background and I told him about my family and education and mentioned that I was divorced. He stopped me there and firmly stated.

“Let’s not talk about past relationships.”

I was getting irritated. I don’t like when a person tells me what I can and cannot discuss. I was polite and kept quite. Continued eating sushi….

Basically: I can narrow the date down to a few sentences.

“If you are good I will give you a free pelvic exam, with the breast exam included.”

“Don’t worry. When you get closer to 38 just come in and I can freeze your eggs.”

And the last but not the least favorite.

“My wife lives in Providence, and I don’t get out much, so I thought we could have some fun. “

I’m still trying to figure out how to end a bad date.

If I had the courage, pick up a glass of water and dump it over his head. But I’m still polite and don’t want to hurt any feelings. So, do you just sit and wait it out only to have it get worse when they try to put the moves on you? Or do I need to be more proactive and be really selective with who I say yes to for a date?

Why is it that when you accept a date a man automatically assumes he’s all set. She said yes, so she must like me, and wants to sleep with me. I thought dating was to see if you liked each other? Not an automatic in.

Oh well, another day another date.

Another Painting I'm Working On....

Sometimes in life it's hard to find time to do everything you want to do, luckily I have been finding time to paint more. I took this picture of a little girl during my nephews birthday party. Her expression is priceless because she refused to smile for the camera but stood very still and shriveled up her nose and pouted. She did not want her picture taken because she had spilled food down the front of her shirt.

This painting with the brown is called the "under painting" and it provides me a map of where to put the color, so all my drawing is done, I just have to think about the color and that's it! I usually like to draw it all in and step away from it for awhile, just so I can look at the piece with fresh eyes and see if the proportions are correct. As you can see in this picture the legs are too small, so they need to be reworked.

I will post a picture when it's finished.....

You Can Do It! A Sneak Peak....

Here's a sneak peek at one of the prototypes or construction swimsuits. It's been slow going and many changes have been made to get it to this point. The suits are so close to being ready for production. Some days it's hard not to get impatient and frustrated.

I'd like to think that I am a tough person. That I have all these redeeming qualities, but unfortunately I am human. I need to remember that and I need to remember that other people are human as well. Trying to manufacture my swimwear designs is proving to be challenging, not necessarily with the process, but in dealing with each unique individual.

Assumptions are bad, and I've come into this project with many. I assumed that because you have paid someone they would finish the job with perfect craftsmanship and on time. I'm learning that's not the case and my job isn't to just fix problems but to motivate and inspire. I have to look at each individual and see how we can best work together and then adapt into more of that person to help them do their job, all the while maintaining my boundaries and needs.

It's complicated and a mean bag of tricky!

I'm learning to set expectations and deadlines, but then find ways to help them meet these expectations, either by playing what I like to call "Good cop, bad cop" which encourages, then has to be assertive, and then encouraging again.

I am the cheerleader. Outfit, flips, and all.

The guy at Starbucks took pity on me and my frustration, handing me a free drink while telling me "Have faith in the God in people. "

Not sure what that meant, but maybe I need to find a different way to help the people helping me get where we need to go.

Finish the suits! You can do it! I shout, cheering them on.....it's almost there...

Then onto sizing and production we go! Starting with new challenges, which I hope to enter with a positive, open mind of possiblity and hope.

Freddy Krueger Pays a Visit

Waiting in line, we could see our breath as we shivered in our skimpy costumes. (I guess my idea of a skimpy costume is not having a jacket.) Cresta, was a sexy cop in fishnet tights, Sean was little Red Riding Hood, and I was Satan. Or the devil, with a red tail pinned to my jeans and ears pinned in my red hair. My friends said I was the perfect devil, I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not?

We finally made it inside to see an array of dancing characters. The music pounded and lights flashed as we danced. It was hard to tell if you actually liked the guy you were dancing with because they were disguised so well. Others, no so well, in tight shorts and shirts off, supposedly trying to be a partially naked Rambo? You had to give them credit for being confident enough not to wear enough, if almost anything. Halloween is the only time you can validate going out of the house in hardly next to nothing. The people on the dance floor were taking full advantage of the opportunity.

I was dancing (badly) with my friends when Freddy Krueger came up from behind, I turned and came face to face with a large bloody mask and sweaty body. With a muffled voice he barked out that he wanted my number. It's hard to want to give someone your digits when they are dressed as a movie serial killer....not so much.

I did give my number to a cute New Yorker, dressed nicely in a button up shirt, a rarity in Utah, and glasses. He looked Jewish, but to my disappointment he wasn't, oh well. But then he started to crack terrible jokes. Apparently he is a gynecologist. Could I date a gynecologist with bad doctor jokes? I will have to ponder that one later.....

The night ended as we watched people getting arrested for public intoxication. Their drunken bodies getting tossed in the back of police cars like rag dolls.

Then I saw him....."Freddy" was being tossed in the back of a car, masked removed.

I sighed in relief, shivering in the cold and saying to myself, "Thank God I didn't give him my number."