My mind has been stuck lately. It's amazing how we play an event over and over, thinking we will be able to fix it or hoping we won't repeat the same mistake. I keep turning over the end of my marriage. Asking questions like, "How did it happen", and "How can someone be so cold". As the divorce was taking place, I was in shock, not able to process the whole picture. I wondered why he put most of my stuff in the garage and to insisted on keeping my snow shoes, bike, and other outdoorsy items. All of these items were made especially for women?

Eight months later and my mind is finally able to see through the pain and put the pieces together. I'm trying to get the full picture of what happened. I now have a part of the puzzle. I believe he started an affair on one of his business trips, or possibly before. Instead of rescheduling his trip to Philadelphia so he would be able to attend my brothers wedding, he insisted it was critical that he fly out for the weekend. As soon as he arrived home he dropped the divorce bomb on me. What had happened?

Seeing pictures of him with his new girlfriend, I now understand that he wanted to keep my things so she would be able to use them. Some of their pictures together are of her drinking out of my camping coffee cup, sitting in my chair, using my sleeping bag, and petting my dog. I have been replaced.

I admit that she seems a better fit as far as common interests, but it still hurts that he was able to quickly move on with his life. No consequences for being an adulter and for the manner in which he discarded me. Eleven years of marriage and I was replaced in an instant.

Hoping to understand and heal. I may never understand. But I know I was able to maintain who I am under extreme pressure and handle the situation with dignity and grace. I enjoy redefining myself into hopefully a stronger person, and I know, with time, that I will be able to trust another person again.