The Tedious Things

It happens just when you are about to fall asleep, you hear a slight buzz in one ear. I'm thinking....

"It's Fall there aren't any mosquitoes." But then I hear it again.

I jump up this time, madly searching for the culprit.

"There it is!" I shout out loud to myself, as I see it's slight body tapping against the corner of the room.

I stretch to reach it. "Damn I'm not tall enough," I whisper, still stretching my short arms in the air.

The chase ensues for about an hour.

Sneaky little bugger.

But at last I capture it's body in an old t-shirt. Problem solved.

After finally falling asleep I wake up to the sunlight coming through my window. I'm in a pleasant mood and I hum to myself as I take a hot shower.

As I put my favorite sexy bra on I notice that one boob is hanging lower than the other. I realize the boob is not doing so well because I lost an under wire in the right cup. I'm stubborn and unbelievably cheap, so I refuse to toss it out. I come to terms with having a lower right boob. No one will notice. Or I guess just the guy at Blockbuster, who is always taking numerous darting boob glances. He will notice since he's done numerous inspections.

"Oh well. Life goes on." I say to myself again.

Still in a slightly fabulous mood, I apply my new concealer only to realize that "fair" is not fair enough. So I decide to take on the task of going back to Wal-Mart, one of my favorite places, and get a different color. This time I will get translucent. Apparently I have no skin pigmentation.

As I go to get in my car, I glance in horror as my eyes freeze upon the front of my car.

I curse and scream. "Where the Hell is the front of my car! "

I had completely forgotten that a large piece of Sh*@ took out the front bumper as I was driving home last night.

To make myself feel better I vowed to find the piece of sh&*, Google how to trace finger prints, take the prints to the police, who will casually give me the person's address, then track down this person that kindly left this piece of sh#@ in the road!

This absurd lie makes me feel temporarily better.

It's days like this where I wished I smoked or had some bad habit to alleviate my growing irritation. But then I come home, put on my comfy gym shorts, open a bag of any type of chocolate containing goodie, and pop in a comedy to watch.

Then all seems right as rain.

That is until I attempt to sleep again and I hear that slight buzz in my ear.