The Electric....Slide!

Having combed the lakes and mountains of Utah to find that special man and turning up empty handed, I reluctantly agreed to go with my friend Trudy to a "Mormon Standard" dance.

Yeah....I must be getting desperate.

I've gone to this type of dance before but it was when I was in my teens. I remember some of the rules which you were quick to learn because the "herd" would not let you forget. You weren't just scolded by one but by all.

-Modest dress, no cleavage, tangs, or short skirts

-Modest dancing, aka...no grinding and Elvis impressions

-No close slow dancing (to leave room for the Holy Ghost)

Arriving at the entry point, a large sign read all the points that I remembered in bold letters. I quickly looked down at my fuchsia pink sequin skirt and started tugging to try and cover my legs just a tad bit more.....I might just pass the guards at the door. Yes my skirt was originally a tube top, but I thought it would function as a skirt too. Resourceful.

Passing inspection, we gazed out onto the dance floor. People were spread out like eggs in a carton, slightly moving to an upbeat song. At first they reminded me of zombies, but then I recognized the song and the dance. You guessed it. The Electric Slide. Yes, the most asexual song out there, usually played while shopping at the grocery store.

The dejay must have been strictly instructed not to play any slow songs because it all stayed fast. I suppose the "guards" were worried it would become an orgy on the dance floor. So the dancers continued their dance as if they were being jostled in a car wreck.

Noticing that we were standing out by not standing glued to the wall we quickly blended in by pasting ourselves to a banister. We slowly scooted our way with the crowd making our way to what seemed to be the main attraction. The food.

It was a small buffet. A child's wildest dream: skittles, licorice, and punch. I guess the only high at this dance was going to be a sugar high. The "Muddy Buddies" were particularly my favorite. A treat that is not only economical but efficient. You put Chex Mix into a plastic freezer bag with chocolate chips, butter, and powder sugar and then violently shake the bag to evenly coat. Nothing fancy here, but effective.

Having gorged ourselves on all the delectables, we moved back onto the dance floor. As I peered into the mass of zombies, a man approached and started to scream at me. I quickly realized that his hearing was gone, which wasn't unusual for a man in his eighties.

He shouted, "What a lovely young lady" as his eyes darted to my sweatered chest. I smiled and said "Thanks", and slide away in another direction. He followed as if he had become a limb.

Another thirty minutes of this game and I had had enough.

The party was over.

With my belly full of skittles, Trudy and I headed back to the car, laughing about the odd mixture of people. She was also amused that I was able to not get kicked out of the dance.

I obeyed all the rules....maybe next time I will have to break a few.