I like to picture myself as a modern day Mary Poppins. Children smile and get excited to see me when I visit. I bring all my clever games in my magical bag and the children scream in delight. Then there's reality, as I picture my niece whacking me in the head with a pair of binoculars, not once but three times. Almost like a wild monkey. I just smiled and laughed thinking she would recognize that it wasn't proper etiquette to whack your aunt in the head. Yes, she is only two, but I was surprised what force a little arm like hers could carry.
With my vast knowledge of children I debated what to get my nephew for his birthday (no binoculars), I interrogated my sister and she told me to just take him candy shopping. I thought, no sweat I have this. I'm a regular Van-Trap singing lady with the hills and shit. Then somewhere in between here and there two other children were added to the mix. My other nephew and my crazy monkey niece, whom I love all very dearly I must add. If I can't make fun of small children, who can I make fun of?
My sister insisted on going, probably because she was worried I would accidentally kill one of them, so we all piled into the car. We soon discovered that all these kiddies weren't going to fit with all their special seats. It took about another half an hour to secure all this techie gadget seats into another vehicle.
We were ready to go!
Surprisingly all was quiet except for a whine or two as we drove down the street headed to the old fashioned candy store, Smith and Edwards-a Utah tradition. I looked back at the kids and smiled slowly glancing at the large hornet crawling up my nephews arm. I quickly put a hand to my mouth to muffle my screams.
Urgently I whispered to my sister "Pull over there is a hornet on Ian!"
I was tempted to jump ship, but I'm one of the responsible adults. The car slowed and I jumped out screaming "Chinese Fire drill!"
It was like a fun game and I tried jerking the doors open to get the bugger out. But the doors wouldn't open. The child locks were on.
I screamed "The child locks, hit the button".
I heard the click and I flung open Ian's door and the hornet whizzed by my head to freedom. I should have had a hooded cape on, I just saved the day. Yeah!
We silently cruised down the road again. I decided to lay down the ground rules while we were in the car and I had their full attention. "If you feel the need to pee, poop, or throw up, you can tell me. Then I will tell your aunt Megan and she will take care of it. "
Pulling up to the candy store, swarms of people were picking up snacks for a day of boating on Willard Bay. The kids jumped out of the car and quickly grabbed my arms-they had been trained well. The massive candy section was close to the front and I could see the kids eyes lock on their ultimate mecca.
We grabbed a basket and their tiny hands eagerly clawed into the barrels of candy. Dum-Dums, Pez, Bubble Tape, mini meals made out of sugar, and Pixie Sticks all seemed to make their way into the basket.
After the kids started to slow down and felt they had at least ten of everything, it was time to check out. Forty bucks later and happy smiles, the candy store made for an entertaining and memorable adventure with my family. Always grateful to play the "Crazy Aunt Em".
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