Mental Abuse

Mental Abuse: What is it?

Last night I cracked open an old book of mine and stumbled upon an article I had saved by tucking it inside. It brought back thoughts that I had not considered for sometime. This article reminded me that it's going to take awhile to heal and to acknowledge the unhealthy behaviors that I might still be utilizing from my past experiences. I want people to be aware of what mental abuse is, so hopefully they know it when they hear it.

It mentions several points, which I have added a few personal remarks. This can be with a partner, friend, co-worker, or family member.

1. Never under estimate the power of negative words. They cause progressive, long term harm. Being told that "You should have higher standards", and "You look like half a million, but if you exercised you would look like a million". It may not be blatant mental abuse like calling someone "stupid", but it's more insidious-harder to detect.

2.You are always told that it's your fault. Nothing is ever right. Nothing is ever good enough.

3.You are more inclined to believe your partner than you are yourself. Overtime the put downs, start to make you question your own judgement. You lose confidence in your abilities. You can't feel the strength of your own convictions.

4. Your Partner Blows Hot and Cold. He can be very loving, but also highly critical of you. Telling you things like, "You never work hard enough" and "Why can't you just at least do the simple things right?" He is short on care and consideration. You can try to make him happy, but it's never good enough. You are like the dog in the relationship rather than an equal partner. You are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner's expense.

5.You feel as if you are walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You dread his outbursts, he may shout or smash things. You feel anxious.

6. You can heal. You are the loving partner that tried, against all odds to make it work, which has caused you enormous emotional damage. You struggle with anxiety and low self-worth. I know I constantly expect radical immediate change of myself, which is a common symptom. But with time and acknowledging the past wrongs, while constantly working to prevent falling into another controlling relationship, I will find a healthy and loving partner. Or feel completely comfortable living just with myself. It's now my choice. The important part is to take care of yourself and make yourself happy.