***Warning: Major cursing will ensue***Now I'm angry today. How can someone push you away and not even try. Fear. I'm supposed to hang around and be friends? It hurts when you go to hold someones hand and they drop it like a cold fish. Any affection. Denied. That makes me feel loved and valued. Thanks. Why would I stick around for that? Even my God Damn friends will give me a freakin hug. It's cold. What happened in his life to put up such a wall. It frustrates me when someone won't get out of their comfort zone because of fear. Fear of being hurt. I say, "Grow some balls and get over it."
It's the risk we take and I guess he's not willing to risk it. I guess time will tell me what he wants to put out there by his effort. I can either accept it or not. But I don't want to go down without at least calling him on his shit. It pisses me off. I hate no resolution. Or maybe I just don't want to see the truth?
I guess he does not want to officially break it off because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? Or maybe he's frightened of my reaction? That I might curse at him.
So he wraps the turd in a gold wrapper, by putting the spin on it as "Lets be friends".
Or does it mean he wants to slow things down and build trust? What?
He said he's not boyfriend material. I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend. I'm asking to spend time together and just enjoy the present moment. Eat dinner, watch a movie, have sex-that's it. What's so hard about that? What the Hell. Men are confusing. What's with all this thinking and talking. Aggravating.
I need to just start mourning the loss of yet another, non-relationship. Fuck I hate dating.
Why do I still put myself out there? Because the reward of finding a companion, will make it all worth it. I'm enough, but I want to share my experiences with a friend. I want to meet someone that takes the jump, gets out of their comfort zone. Takes life by the balls and makes it work. If someone is panicking now, then how do you expect them to stick around for anything else. The first sign of blood and they shit themselves. Why put yourself in this box? You live in the box to avoid any pain or unpleasant experiences. Hurt will still get inside. By staying in this box the only thing that is kept safe is the limit to your happiness. Why limit yourself? You are missing quality life-changing experiences, ones where you have to get out of the safety zone to obtain them. "Fortune Favors the Bold"
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