A Caribbean Paradise

Being from a "Jack Mormon" family I truly know what it means to travel "Mormon Style". A style that tries to maximize everything while trying to be cheap as Hell.

Cheap as Hell Mormon style has a few rules to follow:

1-Do not eat at any place over ten dollars per person.

2-Try to split any meal with at least two other people.

3-When staying in a hotel try to fit at least 3 to 4 people in one room.

4-If a grocery store and kitchen are available, buy all canned food as cheaply as possible. Preferably something with cream in it. (Mormons love cream; cream of chicken, cream of mushroom-well you get the point)

Keeping all this in mind, all thirteen of us (I probably forgot someone or added an extra person) we traveled to Puerto Rico. Our first excursion was hiking the rain forest and swimming in pools with a tumbling waterfall. My dad always manages to hurt himself in one way or another. This time he jumped around in the pool with genuine glee with all the other children and somehow smashed his chest on a sharp rock. He didn't seem too happy after that, his smile rapidly faded and his chest was a crimson red. It looked painful.

After exiting the rain forest and with a wet swimsuit, one of my favorite things to walk around in, we crammed into a small plane and like a mosquito, buzzed over to Vieques island. As we took off, my sister-in-law started screaming. I'm not sure if it was because of the fear of flying or knowing she would be trapped on the island with my entire family for a week?

Arriving at the rented house I noticed a towering fence and barb wire around it. I wondered why the wire was pointing in rather than out.....was it trying to keep people in?

I still like to fondly refer to the house as the "Sanders Family Compound" where people can get in , but they can't get out. Maybe my sister had tricked us into thinking this was a vacation, but really she had checked us all into a loony bin?

With good behavior, we had outdoor time on the beach. Playing in the surf, finding shells, and snorkeling.

I'm afraid to get to close to any sea life. It can either bite, sting, or possibly eat you. None of which I would think I would enjoy. Seeing a sting-ray was amazing. but did nothing to reassure my nerves. No one could hear my panicked screams through my snorkel. What good is screaming if you can't get a reaction?

When visualizing a Caribbean paradise one pictures clear sapphire water and sandy tropical beaches. Imagationing perfection. But I bet they left out the mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes are the enemy. Dousing my body with spray, and I'm not talking about the wimpy stuff, but the Deet birth-defect causing stuff, the mosquitoes would still swarm, refusing to leave any inch of my virgin skin unmarked. At times I could feel my body growing weak as they sucked the life out of me, I would open my mouth to cry out in desperation, and would suck their tiny bodies into my lungs. I was pissed and I mean pissed. I was determined not to let these bastards get me down. It was war.

Using all my brain power to out think them, I again hosed my body down with spray, camouflaged my skin with pants, a high neck jacket, and sprayed over the top of my armor, never minding that it was sweltering outside. At one point I broke down and cried...they were still everywhere, their nests lodged into each pocket of damp grass. I howled and flapped my arms, as other tourists curiously watched my exorcism freak show.

I managed to come away from the trip with at least sixty-five bites on just my two legs. Megan, my sister said, "You look like Quazimoto, but your face will probably heal normally after a few weeks."

I smiled weakly at her encouraging words, one eye swollen and two fresh bumps forming on my cheek.

Funny on a family vacation how you want to spend time with each other at the start but by the end you can't wait to get away. You decide you need a vacation from a vacation.

Those who know me, know that I have to find the sarcasm in every story, but this was a beautiful trip and irreplaceable time with my family. I feel so grateful to be able to see my niece and nephews play in the ocean. They grow up so fast, while we grow older. It's the moments like these that make life happy and make us forget all the hardships-divorce, mosquitoes, and whatever "stuff" comes our way.