I'm about to head out the door again to stroll Central Park one last time before I head back to Utah. New York is teaming with people all going about their daily lives. It's amazing in a city full of millions one can still feel so alone. I'm trying to block out that this time last year my husband ended our marriage. I've moved on and keep trying to put time and miles between my old life and me, but sometimes the grief comes creeping back. I mourn the loss of the hope of unconditional love and trust. That if I do find someone I care about in the future that they too won't one day wake up and find me "human".
I watch a couple lay in the shade. The man is leaning over and gently pushing the woman's hair behind her ear. An intimate moment between the two and they seem so in love. I ponder if it's a new relationship and if it will quickly pass with the season.
Breathe. Savor the moment. I focus my thoughts, taking in the beautiful surroundings. I'm excited to meet my new friend for a picnic. I sit and wait on a park bench and I know he'll come around the corner with his dimpled smile and say hi with his slight Queens accent.
Today may have been the end of my marriage last year, but the present is a gift, a fresh start in a new direction. It just doesn't get any better than laying in the park on an autumn day. And maybe my new friend will push my hair behind my ear and for the moment we can pretend we are that couple in love.
I watch a couple lay in the shade. The man is leaning over and gently pushing the woman's hair behind her ear. An intimate moment between the two and they seem so in love. I ponder if it's a new relationship and if it will quickly pass with the season.
Breathe. Savor the moment. I focus my thoughts, taking in the beautiful surroundings. I'm excited to meet my new friend for a picnic. I sit and wait on a park bench and I know he'll come around the corner with his dimpled smile and say hi with his slight Queens accent.
Today may have been the end of my marriage last year, but the present is a gift, a fresh start in a new direction. It just doesn't get any better than laying in the park on an autumn day. And maybe my new friend will push my hair behind my ear and for the moment we can pretend we are that couple in love.
I wish the best at new beginnings and battling old pains - believe it or not I know exactly how you feel - I still get hit by unexpected and undesired moments of memory and find myself lost in the pain of being told "I never loved you" after eleven years together.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace life, indulge in being enjoyed, and enjoy being.
Cele,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your note, it means so much to hear from you. I love what you said. It's a hard feeling to explain...you were married for eleven years?
Yeah, eleven years and he came in one Sunday afternoon during the 49ner's game, I was making potato salad and he said, "Can I talk to you? I don't love you, I never did, I'm leaving." I cried for two days (which is a day shorter than when my first husband and I broke up). He came back a few days later said he thought he'd made a mistake. And I said, yep you did, live with it. What was I suppose to do, take him back and wait for the next eleven years for him to leave again? Fool me once. I had a daughter to look after. It still hurts, but I'm married to a wonderful man who made up for all of the crap.
ReplyDeleteYour's will come - patience grasshopper.